You know that feeling when everything seems to work against you, when the more you struggle, the deeper in the sand you are buried? That’s how I felt, lately. Meetings have been postponed, emails didn’t get an answer, things took longer to finish than I planned, and it all culminated with my camera breaking during a photoshoot. Yup, that’s right, the photographer’s nightmare. It was the first time this happened to me and I felt paralysed in that moment. Luckily, the person I was photographing was very cool about it and we got through the awkward moment easily.

On this occasion I realised how attached I am to my camera. It’s not like I go out every day taking photos, but knowing I have it ready for when I need it is apparently a big thing for me. When the guys from the repair shop said it will have to be sent to Portugal for repairs, and it will take several weeks, I thought they don’t know what they’re talking about, and there is no way I’m leaving my camera there! So I took it and left to look for another shop (but it was more to mentally prepare for the separation). They told me I would get the same answer wherever I go, but I didn’t want to accept it. What I couldn’t accept, actually, was to give my camera away.

After a day of calling different shops and feeling sad, I had to come to terms with the situation and went back to send the Olympus to Portugal. I don’t have multiple cameras (I just gave away my old Lumix a few months ago), so now I have to borrow a camera from friends. I’m lucky to have friends who trust me with their cameras, but it will be a weird time. I never thought I was so much attached to a piece of technology until I had to leave my camera in the shop. I left there feeling I left a piece of me behind. By now I got used to the situation, and the drama is finished, but who knew this situation would be so dramatic?! And it was right after I had so much fun photographing the foggy mornings and I had in mind to wake up early a few more days to take pictures for my morning series.

On another, happier note, I finished the photo book I was preparing, which will be available for purchasing somewhere at the end of this month (details to come soon). I will also open a print shop, where I’ll have a few prints for sale, directly from me, instead of Society6 — a thing I kept postponing for a long time, so it seems that some plans are materialising after all. It just takes longer and takes more patience than I have.

This autumn proved to be challenging so far, and I’m still prepared for more surprises, but, hopefully, some of them will be nice. How is your autumn going?

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Check out my photo book: Amsterdam Through the Seasons.

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